Thursday, July 21, 2011

Polar Bears Irish?-Woman Pope! and More..

Milestone for MilesTones
by Rev. Austin Miles
Milestone for Website! But first, this office has been swarming with financial planners and advisors offering their services due to my Termination Settlement from the Examiner who cast out this writer for not standing up for homosexuality which every citizen and writer must understand is a duty.
The Examiner fired me for writing a story about homosexuality without endorsing and promoting it in my columns.  For example: in the Contra Costa Times, the front page headline of the Morning Report (7/17/11) blared, 'Same-Sex Marriages Face Limits in Military."  But above the headline is the required political spin: "Unequal Benefits." So does this qualify as a news story or an editorial opinion? This writer was edited out for not putting such spins on anything homosexual.

Milestone for MilesTones. Eureka! A little earlier today, we clocked in our quarter of a millionth reader on: ! Yep, a quarter million readers!  And that number is climbing by the hundreds as this is being typed. Thank you all for supporting and boosting this site and the site you are now reading that pick up my stories.
Visitors have been streaming in and out of our office to congratulate us on reaching that quarter-million mark:

 Author Ron Partain, "So Great A Salvation," dropped in and explained that the bald spot on his head is actually his 'solar panel' which gives him the energy he needs by natural means. This will make environmental/wildlife reporter, Cathy Taibbi proud.
Attorney-Pastor-Radio Talk Show Personality,  Richard Lee,  checked in from Spokane to say, "I don't mind dying, it's the PAIN I don't like."
Helen Trautman, CEO of Results Unlimited in Pittsburgh, rushed in telling about a new book, "Sacred and Profane"  which reveals that we once had a woman in the head office of The Vatican named, Pope Joan. (?)

She was an Englishwoman who disguised herself as a man, became pope and blew it when she had a baby,  which of course, would have been a dead givaway…no..a LIVE givaway..a screaming givaway? ...moving right along...

The church determined never to be fooled again. "So," Ms. Trautman breathlessly entoned, "future pope candidates were required to sit on a chaise percee (pierced chair) and be groped from below by a junior cleric who would then shout to the cardinals, "He has testicles!"  Maybe this ritual explains why the priesthood attracts so many….ahhh never mind.  Furthermore, that chair has been tracked down in the Vatican Museum and appears to have been specifically structured for a….diaconal grope.

Contributor Jerry Gebrowsky who is not Irish but knowing my interest in all things Irish dashed in to tell me that Polar Bears are actually…Irish. Yep, scientists have determined that all polar bears are descended from a single female brown bear who hailed not from Alaska, but from….Ireland. A tip of the beret for that info (instead of a tip of the elbow), being a non-drinker
Pastor Johnny Jones called in to tell us that he is starting a new church, "The Scattered Sheep Fellowship," for people who have been wounded and abused by a church. He couldn't have picked a better location, Almond Grove School in Oakley, California, the previous location of a church where everybody was hurt and the pastor committed suicide. It's for sure that Pastor Johnny will bring better vibes and a purity of worship that will affect that entire area. Their first service will be August 7th at 9 AM with Sunday school for children and young people. The address is 5000 Amaryllis Street in Oakley.
Bob Boyd, radio host with his wife Geri for the national program, Issues in Education, contacted me through his newsletter about one Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83 who arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcasticaly.  Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France!" The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard looki. Then quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to."  We understand that things suddenly got very quiet.
People are still streaming in and the phone ringing with celebratory wishes regarding our quarter millionth visitor. This is a place where you can get all the real, truthful news and commentaries that The Examiner refuses to print, along with this news site that you are reading which deserves support..

Meanwhile, I'm going out for another long walk with an extra skip in my step.