By Selwyn Duke
They say “Jolly is the fat man,” but
perhaps not when he’s being chased (and, I’m sure, caught) like a Frankenstein
monster by the Body Cult crazies. And
that is the case today, as it has become fashionable to affront the
friendly-fronted.
It seems most anything goes now: bloated
houses, bloated egos, bloated libidos, bloated bureaucracies, bloated
government – except bloated bellies. And
a perusal of the news makes this clear, with a never-ending stream of stories
about obesity this and obesity that. For
example, headlining Drudge the other day was a piece
about how fathead officials in Massachusetts
propose to ban school bake sales – even before and after school hours – to
combat obesity. This, of course, is just
the next step in a progression that has seen localities purge schools of
cookies and sodas along with the faith and patriotism that was deemed
unhealthful long before.
We also had the San Francisco Stupidvisors,
who run the city (into the ground), who banned toys in McDonald’s Happy Meals.
Deliciously, the restaurant chain circumvented the law by charging an extra ten
cents for those who want the toy. I
would’ve really rubbed the health Nazis’ noses in it and made it a penny.
Then there was the 2008
proposal by three legislators in Mississippi
– said to be the fattest state in the nation – to prohibit portly people from dining
in restaurants. The politicians said
they were just trying to make a point with their measure. I wonder, though, given that the vast
majority of gun crime (98%
in New York City) is committed by blacks and Hispanics, would these bold
statesmen seek to “make a point” by proposing to ban those groups from gun
stores? Oh, that would be
discriminatory? I see.
Although Mississippi Fat Burning never saw
its opening day, other Orwellian measures have.
For instance, a Missouri
judge was
accused of delaying an adoption until the prospective father lost weight,
and last year Ohio DCFS seized
a boy from his parents because he was obese. This, despite the fact that if the president
ate like his wife does, the boy would look like Obama’s son.
The irony here is that the health Nazis
would have had the overindulgent Ohio
mother’s back if she’d ended her boy’s life in the womb. But merely increase the chances of shortening
his life by feeding him too many Twinkies?
You’re a derelict mother!
You see, when it’s the matter of a body
within a body, it’s the bigger body’s “choice.” But when it’s a matter of just a bigger body,
you have no choice. My, how the scales
of justice tip when you tip the scales.
As for the busybodies – the politicians,
gubmint bureaucrats and “public-interest” groups – how do we explain their
interest in our health? They really must
care, right? About you, about me, about
all and sundry. Well, I’d say so but qualify
it with a paraphrased Rodney Dangerfield line: “They really care….
About what, I have no idea.”
Of course, there is the “Obesity hurts
society” pretext. The argument is that
you fatties are burying our healthcare system with a knife and fork, as you
cost it more money with your increased health problems.
Except that this is nonsense.
A 2011 study
found that the obese and smokers actually cost the healthcare system less because they don’t live as
long. And while study leader Pieter Van
Baal called the finding a “small surprise,” it’s thoroughly logical. It’s the nonagenarian requiring frequent
hospitalization and nursing-home care who rings up the bills, not the epicurean
who collapses on his plate of chicken fried steak and cheese-filled French
fries at age 61. So you want to save
ObamaCare? Get all the different fat
groups, copious amounts of sugar and salt and smoke one Al Gore tobacco farm a
week.
So are we now left with the notion that the
health Nazis really do care? Well, they
do, and about what I do have some idea. And I’m going to delve into one little
understood phenomenon that drives today’s obsession with health.
You’ll note that the people behind
control-freak health measures are never Opus Dei or Southern Baptist Conference
types; heck, unless it’s a prohibition against pork, they’re not even
Muslims. They are, I’d wager,
secularists virtually one and all.
This is no coincidence, but a result of subordinating
spiritual health to physical health. A
person of faith may believe that he’s enjoined to treat the temple of the soul
well, but he will never elevate that imperative over that of caring for the
soul itself. He realizes that this life,
relative to eternity, is as a drop of water in an ocean – and it is that ocean
voyage for which he is mainly preparing.
Thus, recognizing the reality of God’s law (morality), he understands
that of primary importance is avoiding what has traditionally been labeled sin.
But what about when you don’t believe in an
afterlife? This temporal life is then
all you see.
And then staying in it for as long as
possible can become the most important thing to you.
In fact, it can become obsession.
For where the believer may be mindful of
Jesus’ words (I’m paraphrasing) “Do not fear that which just destroys the body;
fear that which destroys the soul,” the secularist may believe the body is all
there is. This is, I believe, what has
bred the Cult of the Body, with all its newly-minted “sins,” such as
overeating, failure to exercise, smoking and drinking. Why, we even call taxes on the last two “sin
taxes.”
So my answer to those who warn of
increasing obesity is, “So?” “But, Duke,
don’t you understand? These people will
die younger!” Other than mentioning that
they won’t die nearly as young as aborted babies, again I say, “So?” We’re all going to die; it’s just a matter of
when and how. And when you realize that
relative to the ocean, small, medium and large water drops are
indistinguishable, you’ll understand my response.
Returning to a lighter note, I’ll have to
now limit my keyboard intake lest this article get too fat. Before concluding, however, I’ll say that I
do have an idea for putting the health Nazis’ designs on a diet. Since obesity is most prevalent among black
women – with 48 percent having, uh, let’s say, generous proportions – cast any
and all attacks upon the condition as “racist.”
If this tactic works when the matter is police tests, voter ID,
immigration and school
suspension, perhaps it’ll work with abdominal distension.